apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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