eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
