I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize