You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
