2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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