I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
