She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
