I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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