Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
