It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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