I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
