I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
