You can't special order awesome
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
