Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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