I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
