I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
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It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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