Bisexual people are plain selfish.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
