Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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