you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
