"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
