I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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