Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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