I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I smell like Dick and happiness
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
