White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
