She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
