Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
