I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
