I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
