Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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