She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
