it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
