I hope mine doesn't look like that
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
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Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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