If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize