i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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