we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
