Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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