I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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