Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
50% drunk capacity currently
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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