Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize