how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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