Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
