she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
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I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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