I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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