arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
