Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
