I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
