I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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