My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My cat gives me a boner
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
