he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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