I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
