U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
