My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
