i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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