No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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