So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
