Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
