just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
