Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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