God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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