Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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