Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
