Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Pants are for mortals
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
